Relationships depression is not uncommon in those who are in bad relationships or those who have recently experienced a relationship breakup and then got back together. When you get back together after a breakup you may expect to feel happy that you are back together but often you can actually feel depressed because you know that the relationship does have its problems.

Most relationships will go through difficult patches from time to time and if you have had your share of problems but are still together then you should be happy right?  If you are still together then there is no reason why you would suffer from relationships depression, so why do you?

When you are going through a difficult patch in a relationship you may experience all sorts of emotions.  The reason for the difficult patch could be something that is hard to get over or forget.  For example, if you were cheated on then even if you and your partner are still together you probably haven’t forgotten about the cheating.  It will take time to get over infidelity and regain some trust in your partner and for a long time you may worry about getting hurt again.  It’s completely understandable that you might feel depressed.

If you were the one who cheated in the relationship then you may become depression with the guilt of hurting your partner.  You are happy that they forgave you but you may still feel an enormous guilt for the pain you caused them.  You will also feel that your partner no longer trusts you and is suspicious of everything you do.

Even in a relationship when there is no cheating involved there may be other issues that can begin to depress you.  If you and your partner reached a point of breaking up or almost breaking up, then there must be some issues that have caused the relationship to reach that point.

Even though you and your partner are still together you may wonder if they really do want to be with you and if a break up will occur in the future.  You may become quite insecure about the relationship.

When a relationship is at a point of breaking up or almost breaking up then you do go through a rollercoaster of emotions.  You may be living in fear of the relationship reaching that point again.

You may find yourself constantly thinking about anything that is wrong in the relationship and you may constantly worry about breaking up.  This constant worry and negative thinking can lead to depression.

It is difficult living with someone when there is a lot of tension between you. Even if you get back together after a breakup you may feel that there are some issues that haven’t been dealt with and until they are dealt with then there will always be a certain amount of tension.

It is great to save a relationship and stop a potential break up and it is great to get back together and save a relationship after a break up.  However, the issues that caused the relationship to reach that point must be dealt with otherwise the relationship will not continue on a happy path and you can find yourself suffering from relationships depression.

Need help recovering in your relationship GO HERE

Technorati Tags: depression, emotions, guilt, infidelity, relationship breakup, relationships

Saving a marriage after adultery can be a very hard and time consuming process. You spent all that time together, loving each other and pledging to be faithful to each other only to have that trust get betrayed. Most marriages end after an affair because it is just so hard to ever trust that person again.

Despite having an affair, some couples still very much love each other. Affairs are nothing more then a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. The first thing you need to do is find out what that problem is, what is causing you to stray from your marriage.

The thing is that as we get older we change and we may acquire different tastes or grow tired of the old. This is where affairs usually take place, once the marriage has settled into a routine and the offending party simply grew bored of it all.

It is understandable, if not acceptable, why the offending party would cheat under those circumstances. As cruel as it may sound, we all grow bored if we do the same thing over and over again. This applies to marriage just the same as it applies to everything else.

The first thing you need to do after adultery, if you wish to save your marriage, is to forgive the offending partner. This likely will not happen over night and it will be very hard. They betrayed your trust and it will take a lot of time and effort on their part to earn it back.

But once you have forgiven them, you can move on to fixing the underlying problems that led to the affair. This is a crucial step. If you do not fix the problem then history will likely just repeat itself. So it is vitally important that you find out why they cheated, really get down to the root of the problem.

Once you have discovered what exactly it was that drove them to cheat, you can work on fixing it. In most cases an affair happens because one of the people involved has grown tired of the routine sexual activities. If this was the case then you might want to sit down with your partner and discuss ways to spice up your love life.

If you can just make changes to the areas the offending party has grown tired of, it can go a long way to prevent them from every straying again. So if it was them growing bored of your love life, then make sure you fix that and talk with them about it.

If it was not something related to your love life, then it may be trickier to fix. Even if this is the case the fundamental points still hold true. Talk with them and find out specifically what they thought the problem was, and why they cheated. From there you just have to make steps towards changing those aspects.

No matter what the case may be, life after adultery can be hard and emotionally taxing. What you need to remember is that you should always do what is best for you. If you feel you can forgive them and continue loving them despite their betrayal, then go for it. However if you do not feel you can forgive them, do not feel guilty or ashamed, they betrayed you so it is your right to walk away.

If you still love your partner and want to stay together  CLICK HERE

Technorati Tags: adultery, circumstances, couples, different tastes, having an affair, love life, marriage, saving a marriage, sexual activities

“Will he ever love me again”?  If you’re in the uncomfortable and painful position where you are asking that question you’ll be happy to know that the answer can be yes. Of course, there are never any guarantee’s but it is very possible to regain the love and passion the two of you once shared.

One of the biggest things that will determine what you need to do to rekindle your love will be what went wrong in the first place.  Did you treat him badly, cheat on him? If you did one of these more serious things it will take longer and be much harder to regain his love and trust.

If the problems in your relationship are more of a ‘drifting apart’ and not so dire, it may be a little easier to get the lovin’ feeling back. Another thing you should consider is, are you sure he doesn’t still love you?  Just because the two of you are not as close it doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t still love you. It could just be that the two of you feel the pressures of day to day life, and not that your love has died.

If you can find a way to spend more, and more meaningful, time with your guy you’ll be able to remind him of the woman you are and why he fell in love with you the fist time you two met. It’s very important to try to spend time together where you don’t discuss work, the kids, your in-laws or any thing else. The two of you need to get into the two of you.

So, what do the two of you do while you’re together?  It doesn’t matter. As long as the two of you do something that both of you enjoy and you do it together. It’s not enough for you to tag along with him when he goes bowling or for him to follow you around the mall. You have to do things that both of you enjoy.

Ideally, this together time won’t be in a large crowd but rather a more one on one setting. If the two of you like to go dancing than so be it, but it’s even better if the two of you like to go some place that’s quiet so you can talk and really get to ‘know each other’ all over again.

If you’ve really made a huge mess of things you may need to find a good counselor who can help you figure out what mistakes you made as well as why you made those mistakes.  If you don’t figure out those things you’re just going to make the same mistakes over again, even if you do get back together.

Look, if you want to know  “will he ever love me again” I can’t answer that question for you, no one can. I can tell you that if you go about it the right way you may be able to regain his love and maybe even make your relationship better than it’s ever  been before.

Don’t try to go it alone get more help HERE

Technorati Tags: meaningful time, passion, relationship, serious things

Wow, nothing is worse than being in a marriage that is falling apart right in front of you and knowing that your partner isn’t going to try to work with you to fix things.  It’s not easy to save your marriage alone, but is it possible if you are willing to put in all the work? The answer to that question is: maybe.

The really important thing you have to keep in mind is that sometimes we get so focused in on one goal that we never stop to ask ourselves if the goal is worthwhile. This happens all the time in marriages. One or the other feels the marriage falling apart and they decide they have to save it at all costs. They get so focused on that outcome that they never really stop to ask themselves if they should save it.

It might be difficult to hear, and many religions don’t say it, but not all marriages should be saved. Sometimes there are simply too many problems to overcome. This is especially true if one partner has a problem. Just look at the recent spate of celebrity divorces due to infidelity.

If a partner is unfaithful once and truly and sincerely regrets it, the marriage may be saved (it won’t be easy, but it is possible) but if it’s a situation where one partner has cheated pretty much from day one of the marriage with multiple partners than that is indicative of a very severe mental problem and it’s going to take a long, long time for that to be overcome, and it can only be overcome if that person really wants to change.

In this scenario ending the pain and suffering of the non-philandering spouse is the most important consideration. The marriage probably shouldn’t be saved at all, if you’re in this situation it’s not going to be easy to save your marriage alone.

Another example: I have a friend who is a great wife and mother. Her husband is an alcoholic. He refuses to admit he has a problem or get any help. My friend wants her marriage to work and she wants to stay together, but unless her husband is willing to change even if she does stay it’s going to be a very bad marriage and not a good example to her kids.

You don’t want your children growing up seeing one parent being disrespectful and abusive and the other parent being a doormat and allowing them self to be treated that way. It can really teach the kids very bad ideas of what a relationship should be like. It’s sometimes better to move on and hopefully find someone who can be a good parent. That will show the kids the right way to treat a partner.

If you really want to save your marriage alone, you need to think it through carefully. If your partner doesn’t care about you or the relationship enough to try to save it, what are you really trying to save?  A good relationship will never be perfect but it should be fairly well balanced where each partner is giving as much as they are getting.

Save Your Marriage Alone – Are You Sure  for more information CLICK HERE

Nothing is more disheartening to a relationship than finding out that there has been infidelity. It can break your heart and can definitely knock the wind out of your sails. But, the good news is that cheating in a relationship can be overcome with time. Please take the time to focus on your relationship and try to work things out, in many cases you can. Don’t give up.

One of the best things you can do is to take plenty of time to try to figure out what happened. Unless one of you is a chronic cheater, the cheating came from somewhere (not that this is an excuse) but to fix things you need to know what happened to create the situation in the first place.

If you or your partner has been going through some things and maybe that situation has put stress on your marriage or relationship than you may need to start there. But, I know I’m repeating myself but it’s that important, that doesn’t mean it was ok that either of you turned to another person to feel better about yourself. No matter what situations the two of you are dealing with, it doesn’t make it ok to have an affair.

It’s important to figure that out and fix the cause. You will also need to get help from a therapist. The hurt and anger that you can feel after someone has cheated can almost take on a life of it’s own and it can be very difficult to work past it, especially on your own.

If the two of you understand that the process will take time and it will be painful yet you are still willing to do what needs to be done, than the two of you have a great chance of salvaging your relationship and maybe even making things better than they were before.

Of course, if one or the other of you has a long history of cheating than the problem runs much deeper than just some issue in your relationship. If either of you is like that than the best thing for you to do is for the “cheater” to get some serious counseling to figure out why they are so flawed that they think it’s ok to do what they want to do no matter who they hurt and what promises you go back on.

When you make a commitment to someone, that is a promise. Even if you don’t come out and say the words “I won’t be with another person” once you and your partner enter into a committed relationship that is the same as making a promise.
If you just go about doing whatever you want to do no matter who you hurt, than you have problems. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.

If this describes you than before you do anything  please get yourself the help you need so you don’t continue to go through life hurting yourself and anyone who has made the mistake of loving you.

Tough love can be…well, tough. Many of us come to a point in our lives sometimes where we have to face difficult choices and decisions. While it’s not always fun and it’s never easy, making changes and saving your relationship is possible but you have to start with you. Cheating in a relationship can be overcome, just be willing to put in the time and effort.

If your spouse has been cheating  CLICK HERE to get the help you need now.

Technorati Tags: anger, cheater, counseling, excuse, infidelity, marriage, plenty of time, relationship, stress

Getting married is supposed to be one of the happiest days of a person’s life. The truth is that the day itself can be a wonderful experience, but then that happiness has a way of wearing off over time. While statistics vary, the number of marriages that end in divorce is far too high. This doesn’t mean you are doomed to split up just because you said your vows, but it does raise the question “is you marriage in trouble?”

With the modern state of marriage, the chances are good that your marriage is facing some sort of trouble. However, being in trouble is not the same as saying that it is over. The sooner you can identify the warning signs, the better the odds are that you can save your marriage. With that in mind, here some signs of a troubled marriage.

Sign of a Troubled Marriage #1 – Apathy

When you stop caring about what happens to your spouse, or to your marriage, it is a clear sign of trouble. If you have stopped arguing because nothing really matters then that’s not good. That’s not to say that arguments are enjoyable, because they’re not. But at least when you are arguing it shows that you are upset, and you can only be upset when you care. Perhaps the opposite of love is hate, but apathy ranks right up there.

Sign of a Troubled Marriage #2 – Spending Less Time Together

This should come as no surprise, but the less time you spend together, the worse it is for a healthy relationship. to be fair, there are some couples who rarely spend any time with each other, and they say that’s the key to a happy marriage. But that’s not a real marriage, that’s two people trying to avoid getting on one another’s nerves. There’s nothing wrong with having free time and spending time away from each other, but if it gets out of hand, then your marriage may be in trouble.

Sign of a Troubled Marriage #3 – Decrease in Physical Intimacy

There may be any number of reasons for a lack of intimacy. You need to look for a sudden lack of interest and then see what the underlying causes are. This could be a result of a medical condition or stress. On the other hand, it could be a sign of a troubled marriage, but don’t assume until you find out the root of the problem.

Sign of a Troubled Marriage #4 – Communication Breakdown

While this is usually one of the earlier signs, it can be hard to spot. Why? Because you’re not communicating with each other. The reason this can lead to trouble is that it turns small problems into bigger ones. You need to be able to talk about things, and do so in a reasonable and adult manner.

Is your marriage in trouble? By answering the above questions, you will have a better idea of where your relationship stands. The sooner you are aware of these trouble spots,the sooner you can work to fix them.

Is  your marriage in trouble?  CLICK HERE

Technorati Tags: apathy, couples, divorce, free time, happiest days, happiness, happy marriage, lack of interest, lack of intimacy, marriage, marriage in trouble, marriage sign, nerves, odds, physical intimacy, relationship, signs of a troubled marriage, spending time, vows, warning signs

Regaining trust in a relationship is going to be an uphill climb. I’m not saying that it can’t be done, I’m just saying that you better be willing to put in some serious time and effort if that’s what you want. If you’re not, you might as well walk away right now and save both of you a lot of extra pain.

Of course, there are many reasons trust can be lost. Sometimes it’s fairly ‘small’ like when your spouse belittles you in front of others. Other times it can be even worse such as in the case of infidelity. This can be virtually impossible to overcome.

If you’re willing to try, step one is to figure out what you did to break the trust in the first place. Obviously, if it was infidelity that will be pretty clear. But if it was something a little less extreme like ridiculing your partner or making fun of them all the time, it might take some digging to figure out why you felt the need to hurt the one person you’re supposed to love above everyone else.

Sometimes the more subtle betrayals can be a sign of some deep seated resentment against your partner. You need to get to the bottom of that issue to figure out what it is before you can make any kind of change.

If you’ve cheated than you will also need to figure out why. In many cases it’s about a lot more than just being attracted to another person. It’s often a sign that you’re unhappy with your partner and / or a severe character flaw of  yours. Whatever the case may be the first step to trying to rebuild trust with your partner is to identify the problems so that you can fix them so you never repeat your mistake.

It’s going to take a lot to get your partner to trust you again, the last thing you want to do is to repay that trust by hurting them and betraying them again. Before you ask for a second chance you better make darn sure you’re up to the challenge of never betraying them again.

Once you’ve identified the problem and have taken steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again, it’s time to talk to your partner. Explain to them that you’ve been working on yourself and fixing your issues. Ask them for another chance. Even if they say ‘yes’ you have to understand that you’ll essentially be on ‘probation’ for a long time.

You have to be willing to overlook a little paranoia on their part. It’s going to be very difficult for them to completely let their guard down again and it’s likely to take quite a long time before they do. They’ll need to see a lot of proof that you’ve really changed first.

Regaining trust in a relationship will take a lot of time, love and patience. It’s not impossible if both parties are willing to try, but make sure that both of you enter into the process with your eyes wide open and don’t expect a quick fix.

CLICK HERE for more information

Technorati Tags: betrayals, character flaw, infidelity, mistake, regaining trust in a relationship, resentment, second chance, serious time, uphill climb

In this post, you will learn the 3 phases you will need to work through to recover from—and survive—infidelity.

Phase 1: The Cheating Victim: Your Pain Comes First

Healing in the marriage can’t come until you have looked after yourself first.  If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have an easy time taking care of anything or anyone else.

If you want to survive infidelity, you first need to address the onslaught of thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming you. If you don’t have a firm internal foundation, you will be unable to rebuild a firm foundation in your marriage.

You have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. This includes effectively handling all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace again.

Putting solid ground down internally will strengthen your ability to put one down externally in phase two.

Phase 2: The Couple in Crisis: Begin Working—and Healing—Together

This is as challenging a phase as the first one in which you work on yourself—perhaps even more so. In phase 2, you need to work on communicating effectively with your spouse.

No doubt, the early stages of this phase will feel very strained. You may have a lot of anger, and find yourself lashing out at your spouse, and your spouse’s response may be the silent treatment as retaliation for the discomfort he or she may feel over what they have done to your marriage.

It will take effort on the part of you and your spouse to work together on your communication skills, and for you as the victim, to feel some sense of trust that your partner is truly committed to this process.

There will be lapses into negative thoughts as you begin to work with your spouse, but it doesn’t mean your internal foundation is at risk—it’s just being challenged by the rawness of communicating after the devastation of the affair.

Phase 3: Rebuild Your Marriage

Once you and your spouse are in a place of being able to communicate again, when these talks can be characterized as more positive in nature rather than angry outbursts and recriminations, you are ready to begin rebuilding the foundation of your marriage.

It is in this phase that you will work on transparency and building trust again. In essence, you are wiping clean the way things have “always been done” in your marriage, and recreating a stronger foundation with very clear-cut, defined rules.

The work of a marriage never stops, so this phase will move from a period of rebuilding to one in which you are continuously solidifying. There will even be occasions where you step back into the first two phases, so don’t be thrown off your end goal, which is surviving infidelity.

Does it help to think of recovering from infidelity in terms of a phased plan?

If you are further along in the healing process, have you found yourself slipping back on occasion to an earlier phase? What triggered a return to that phase?

Do you feel stronger today than you did the day after learning your spouse cheated? Does this give you hope that you will grow stronger yet?

Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage.

CLICK HERE to get started today

Technorati Tags: anger, communication skills, emotions, firm foundation, infidelity, internal peace, lapses, marriage, negative impact, negative thoughts, no doubt, self doubts, silent treatment

Your marriage license didn’t come with a manual to help you navigate through challenging marital troubles—especially those that are related to dealing with a spouse’s infidelity.

After the affair, you are faced with what may seem insurmountable problems. So, are you dealing with the infidelity, or trying to shove it away because the pain is just too great?

Devastated by the Affair, What Should You Do?

You just found out you are married to a cheater. It may feel as if the world just came crashing down upon you. Now what?

To find out about your spouse’s cheating is one of the most wrenching, emotionally-devastating events that can happen in a marriage—ranked up there with the death of a spouse.

A common reaction from the cheating victim is, “I don’t know what to do.” What should you do first? Again, there was no marriage-help manual provided at the altar. But here you are, trying to pick up what can feel like the shredded remnants of your life after you’ve had the wind knocked out of you.

And infidelity truly shreds everything that was once whole: your relationship with and trust in your spouse, your sense of peace, your self-esteem, and your thoughts. It can be extremely overwhelming, especially since you have more going on than just tending your relationship. No doubt you are trying to run your household, take care of family members, and work, too—while in excruciating psychological and emotional pain.

Most of us, when in pain, want a way to turn it off, immediately. But in the case of infidelity, the wounds run deep, and there is no quick fix. In an effort to escape the pain, you may have thoughts such as:

“I’ll pack a bag and leave tonight,” or,

“I’ll pick his bag and make him leave this afternoon!”

While this may seem a reasonable response to an extremely unreasonable set of circumstances brought about by your spouse’s cheating, it does not actually help you to heal from this pain.

After learning of the affair, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process, but I want to give you a broad-based plan so you can break the process down into more manageable phases. Most people experiencing a crisis feel better with a working plan. It’s concrete, it’s logical—and it’s something solid to hold onto in an uncertain, emotionally-wrought time.

CLICK HERE for more information

Technorati Tags: cheater, death of a spouse, emotional pain, family members, household, infidelity, insurmountable problems, marital troubles, marriage, marriage help, no doubt, relationship, self esteem, wounds