Often, couples come to a point in their relationship where things are not as they once were.  They feel separated, lonely, and sometimes even as if the other person does not love them with the intensity that once existed.  Deep down, they might be feeling “I want to save my marriage”, but they simply don’t know where to begin.

This is the time to place all of the cares of the world to the side and bring the marriage back in first place- where it should have always been.  Typically, this is one of the number one reasons why couples have problems.  Not everyday, life problems: but issues that should not have advanced to a much higher, and more costly, level.

One of the main problems facing couples is that they do not resolve issues as they occur.  One person may feel “its too small to matter”, or “I should just let it go”.  But if it is big enough to contemplate it as a problem, then it is a big enough problem to work out now.  What is a minor issue now can lead to a major fight later, if left unresolved.

We have all heard how important communication is in a relationship.  But part of that equation also involves openness.  Many people falsely believe that the two are one and the same, but in actuality, they can be quite different.

Communication involves talking to your spouse and telling them how you feel.  Openness defines how much you communicate.  Just saying that you want to communicate is one thing: saying you want to be open about anything is an entirely different matter.

Men are notorious for making this mistake.  Many are taught from a young age to guard their emotions, not let them out, and if so, only in small, inconspicuous amounts that will not attract attention or deter from their manhood.  He may feel as if he is guarding his emotions, but at the same time he is being reserved.  Being reserved doesn’t solve a problem: being open does.

If we trust our companion enough to marry, to single them out to devote our life to, and to cherish for the rest of our lives, then why not be open with them, too?  Many areas of a person’s life involve things that they might consider inconsequential, or not worth bring up.  If a person really feels that, “I want to save my marriage”, then let the spouse decide if they are inconsequential or not.

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Is your marriage in crisis or are you perhaps deluding yourself that it isn’t?  Quite often one party in a marriage may not be happy while the other is oblivious to their partner’s unhappiness and thinks that their marriage is going fine.  A marriage in crisis may sometimes just look like a boring marriage that may have lost it spark and a couple may not do anything about it until it’s too late.

If you want your marriage to last then you need to be aware of the warning signs that your marriage may be in crisis.  Don’t just accept that your marriage is boring but its ok, if you feel that you have lost your spark then this is the time to do something about it.  Your sex life is probably the first thing that you should look at and although this isn’t the most important aspect of a relationship it is a crucial part of a healthy marriage.

Do you struggle to remember when you last had sex because it was so long ago?  Does having sex seem like a chore to either party?  Has the spontaneity disappeared from your sex life?  You can usually spot a marriage in crisis by looking at their sex life!

If sex has become a chore in your marriage that doesn’t mean the marriage is over, there is still a chance to save it.  Most marriages will go through a stage of not having a great sex life, often after they have children.  With each child that is born it becomes harder to keep the sex life active with kids running around and the Mom not having any energy left over for her husband.

Most marriages will get through this stage and will find their spark again but not all do.  A marriage is in trouble if it can’t get past this state and never breaks out of that pattern.  When a couple cease to show each other any physical affection, then this could be a sign that the marriage is in trouble.  If a couple are happily in love they do tend to show some physical affection toward one another so if this has stopped then you need to take action to get that spark back before it’s too late.

If you take a look at your marriage, do you and your partner show each other affection?  Do you ever walk over and give your wife a hug for no reason?  Do you tell her how lovely she looks?  Do you give her a kiss on the cheek for no reason?  If the answer is no, then maybe it’s time you started doing some of these things.

If you feel that you don’t really need to do these things then you are probably deluding yourself.  When you don’t show each other affection you are really taking each other for granted and the next step on from that is resentment.

If you notice that the spark has disappeared from your marriage, the good news is that you have recognized the warning signs in time and can do something about it.

Make a point of showing your wife affection by telling her she looks lovely today or giving her a hug for no reason.  You will be really surprised to find that she will enjoy this and will most likely respond by showing you more affection.  Don’t wait until your marriage is in crisis before you do anything about it, start putting the spark back into your relationship now.

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A relationship has a much better chance of being happy and lasting long term if both parties’ relationships needs are being met.  If your needs aren’t being met then there is a much higher chance that the relationship won’t last.  If your relationship has ended and you are trying to get back together and make it work, it is important to work on having relationships needs met for both partners.

To be able to get your needs met your partner must know what your needs are.  They cannot try to meet your needs if they have no idea what they are.  Good communication is essential for a happy relationship.  Your partner will want to meet your needs but you must tell them what they are so they can do so.

Just as you need to tell your partner what your relationships needs are you also need to encourage your partner to tell you what their needs are.  If you have never asked your partner about his needs before you may actually be surprised by what their needs are.

If you have the need to be told by your partner that they love you and you like to be told this often then you might assume that they have the same need.  You may tell them often that you love them but in actual fact they may not have that need at all.  I’m sure he enjoys being told that you love him but it might not be his need and his needs may be completely different and still not being met.  Perhaps he prefers to be shown that you love him rather than being told.

A relationship can really be strengthened just by having this simple discussion and talking about your needs.  You will find it so much easier to make each other happy when you know what the other person wants.  You may feel a little uncomfortable talking about your needs but you should try to do it anyway, it really can help improve your relationship.

Your needs may be that you need your partner to help around the house a little more.  Maybe you wish that he would help vacuum or tidy up but you don’t like to ask for his help so you do it on your own.  You may begin to feel some resentment toward him for not helping when in actual fact he has no idea that you would like his help around the house.  It is very simple to ask for his help and he may be quite willing to do it.  There is no point getting angry with him for not helping out or meeting your needs if you have never told him what your needs are.

If you stomp around vacuuming or slamming things around as you are tidying up then you are using passive aggressive behavior which is very common in relationships.  Many people use this type of behavior when they become angry that their needs aren’t being met when in actual fact it wouldn’t be necessary if they just talked about their needs.

Talking about your needs instead of using passive aggressive behavior will make the relationship a much happier one and you won’t be so angry and resentful.

If you use passive aggressive behavior he will just think you are acting like a spoiled brat and will only feel guilty into helping.  If you talk to him and explain your needs then he will be much happier to help you.

Your needs could be varied and are not restricted to housework, it could be showing affection or feeling respected.  People have many needs and you really should discuss your relationships needs to have a long and happy relationship.

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