Subscribe to Relationships Lost or Are They? Subscribe to Relationships Lost or Are They?'s comments

What are some ways to save a marriage? If your relationship has gotten totally out of control, the first thing to do is regain that control. The only way you will be able to make the relationship work is if everything stays calm, cool, and collected. Keeping your heads in times of difficulty is key to keeping the lines of communication open. As soon as communication breaks down then everything is lost and you will pay dearly to get it back.

The first thing you need to do is figure out what the heck is going on. As soon as you do that then you can figure out how to fix it. What do the two of you fight about all the time? Money? Money is the number one reason people fight and marriages end.

When you first meet and are falling in love, everything is wonderful. It seems as if the two of you were made for each other and you decide to get married. After the wedding you try to combine your lives into one and unless you both learn to compromise, this is where resentments and misunderstandings can start to creep in.

Then what happens? Life comes front and center and instead of spending all your time together just being in love, you have to deal with work, the bills, the kids, the house and the yard and all of a sudden there is no time for the two of you. You barely kiss goodnight before falling into a fitful sleep that does nothing to relieve the exhaustion that you feel.

Some ways to save a marriage include making time for the two of you at least once a week. Plan a date night every week and do not let anything get in the way. Ask grandma and grandpa to watch the kids and go to dinner and a movie or spend the night in a hotel room and just reconnect. Order room service and have your dinner in bed. Leave the TV off and only call once to check in with the kids, then turn the phone off. Get a real good dose of each other so when you have to face reality again the next day you will be fortified against the world and it’s perils.

If money is a real problem, figure out how to bring more money in or figure out how to spend less. Cut out unnecessary items and buy only what you need. As soon as you get your feet back underneath you the sooner you can relax and stop worrying about money all the time. Try to stay positive and positive things will happen. Small changes can make big differences in your day to day lives.

If you find that these things are still ineffective then by all means see a counselor. The love you have for each other is worth it and a good counselor can shed some new light on your relationship and help you breathe new life into it. Seeing a counselor can be one of the ways to save a marriage or

Click Here for more relationship advice

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Share

What are some reasons you would have to fix your marriage? It does not matter how long a couple has been married, problems can arise at any time. If life gets in the way, the two of you need to stop and take a step back. Take some time to re-evaluate the things that are important in your lives.

The most important factor in any relationship is the ability of the two people involved to communicate effectively. When communication breaks down you will find the relationship is in trouble. Ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings. Misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings and resentments. Hurt feelings and resentments can lead to divorce.

So if you do not want to give all of your money to a couple of lawyers you need to learn how to fix your marriage.

The first thing you need to do is to figure out what went wrong and you need to work together to accomplish this. So, if you can stand to be in the same room with each other, make plans to sit down and talk.

Have a notepad and pen available so you can each write down what your perceptions are about your relationship and when you think things began to sour and why. When your list is made, compare them. In doing this you can start to gather some insight into how your partner’s perception of the same situation differs from yours. These differences should help open the lines of communication and get you both talking and the state of your marriage should begin to get clearer.

I know what it’s like to have hurt feelings in a relationship. The logical progression of things means that the next step is laying blame on the other. Then, everything begins to snowball and eventually you can’t even recognize the relationship because of all the baggage it is buried under.

To increase your chances of success you should consider hiring a counselor or therapist. Usually when a couple gets to this point in their marriage, there is so much resentment and anger that it’s hard for them to be in the same room together without it turning into a fight. How are you going to discuss the issues in your marriage and make any progress when the two of you are so mired down in your pain and resentment?

In most cases you aren’t. Having a counselor to act as a referee can help the two of you keep moving forward to find the solutions you need.  If you keep fighting you wont ever get anywhere. So having a counselor helping may make all the difference.

The longer you allow the problems in your marriage to fester, the longer it will take to address those problems and find a solution. Do yourself a favor and realize that it is possible to fix your marriage but it will take time, patience and love. Don’t expect it to happen overnight or with no time and effort. Just let love be your guide.

Click Here for more relationship advice

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Share

When it comes to fixing a broken relationship, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that no matter how screwed up the relationship is it can be fixed. This will only work,though, if both parties are 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to make it work. Both parties have to understand and accept that it will take time and work and they have to be mature enough to face up to some of their own flaws. If you are both at that place you have an excellent chance of working things out.

The bad news is that if the problems are serious and /or both of you aren’t willing to work hard and find a solution, the odds of fixing a broken relationship go down significantly. It’s not impossible, but so much more difficult.

So step one would be to honestly assess where you and your partner are. Are both of you mature enough to face up to the issues and stick with it long enough to find a solution? If so, go on to step two. If not, ask yourself why you want to save the relationship. People will usually answer that with “I love them” but sometimes that just isn’t enough.

If you try single handedly to save your relationship, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of becoming a door mat to your partner. If they are so selfish that they won’t work with you to save the relationship, it’s almost a guarantee that they will try to take advantage of all the hard work you are doing.

Step two would be to figure out what is going on. What are the problems and issues that the two of you are dealing with? What needs to be done to fix them? Do the two of you just seem to be drifting apart? If so, why? What has changed? Do you now have kids and find it harder to really connect with each other and care for the kids? Has one of you taken on a new more stress filled job and it’s affecting your home life?

Once you identify what the issues are you have a much better chance of dealing with them in an effective way. Don’t let the clutter of day to day life confuse you. That’s not the real problem in most cases. Figure out the real bottom line problems and than work together on a solution.

Sometimes finding someone to help you sort it all out can work wonders. Finding a therapist or counselor to help you figure it all out can be a great help. If nothing else, a counselor can act as a sort of referee so the two of you don’t get too upset and start fighting. If you do, nothing will ever get worked out.

Click Here for more relationship advice

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , ,

Share

What are the best ways of saving a relationship? Well, that kind of depends on what the problems in the relationship are. Are the problems major or minor? Are you working together with your partner, or all on your own?  These are questions that need to be answered before you can figure out the best tactics to fix your relationship.

The more willing and able you and your partner are about working together to fix the problems, the higher the  likelihood you’ll be successful. It’s not easy, actually it’s virtually impossible, to be the only one who is working on fixing the troubles in your relationship. If  both of you are mature enough to make whatever changes need to be made, than you’ll be able to not only fix your relationship, you’ll be much better people in all aspects of your life.

First things first, you can’t fix a problem until you locate the problem. What are the major issues in your relationship? This may seem like an easy thing to answer, but it’s not. In reality it’s tough to cut through all the garbage and baggage that has accumulated over the years and pinpoint the real issues. Sometimes the real problems are buried so far under the inconsequential things that they’re hard to identify.

This step alone can take some time. It may help if the two of you find someone who you both trust to help you work things out. Many people are very intimidated by going to a counselor. I think it’s because they are a little afraid of what they might hear. They don’t want the counselor to think of them as a bad person, so they just don’t go at all.

That’s the wrong attitude to have. Do you want to be right or do you want help saving a relationship? You decide.  You’re not perfect, no one is. The  counselor might help you identify some of your less desirable character traits. And, no, this may not be fun to hear, but isn’t it worth it in the long run to become a better person and a better partner? Don’t you want to find the happiness in not only this relationship but in your life in general? Sometimes it will take some honest soul searching to get there. It’s worth it.

Start with you. Your partner probably has some issues they need to deal with too, but you can only change you. Hopefully they will be receptive to making some changes of their own, especially when they see you moving forward in your life, but you can’t force them. All you can do is to make the changes you need to make and hope for the best.  Don’t get distracted by the foibles of your partner and use them as an excuse to not make any changes. Focus on you for now and hopefully your partner will make the changes they need to make.

Saving a relationship can be possible, but it really needs to be a team effort. If both of you aren’t on the same page the battle will be a lot tougher to win.

Click Here for more relationship advice.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Share